Just Married!

From the moment the inten-tion to marry blossoms in a man, to the time when he is united with his wife, marriage rites of the Malay, Indian and Chinese are filled with traditional ceremonies and customs. A brief glimpse into these, reveals some of its highlights.

A Poetic Beginning

"We're visiting with a wish, to acquire a flower blooming in your garden..."

The Malays have perfected the art of subtlety when approaching the bride's family to ask for her hand in marriage. The groom's representative, typically a male relative, is usually accompanied by a small entourage bearing gifts, including a betel leaves arrangement, an engagement ring, and sweets delicacies such as cakes or chocolate.

On the morning of the wedding day, the bride and groom will perform an ablution bath as required in Islam. The focus of a Malay wedding is the akad nikah or marriage vow, overseen by the kadi in front of witnesses. The groom takes the following vow:

"I accept... (bride's full name) hand in marriage, with the mas kahwin (dowry)... (state full amount) in cash."

The kadi will then confirm with the witnesses that the vow was clearly heard, after which he will lead the congregation with a prayer to conclude the ceremony.

In some aspect, the Malay wedding ceremony bears similarity to the Indian wedding ceremony. Before the advent of Islam, Hinduism was the most prolific religion in this region. This resulted in similarities, like the mandi lulur tradition. Like the Indians, a day before the wedding, the Malay bride and groom, in their respective homes, would partake in a mandi lulur, a special bath scrub with natural ingredients including turmeric powder. The majlis berinai, where henna is applied to the bride's hands and feet, is also reminiscent of the mehndi ceremony in an Indian wedding.

The bersanding ceremony, highly similar to the use of mandapa or dais in Indian weddings, is also an important aspect of a Malay wedding, as the couple becomes "King and Queen for the day". While the akad nikah might take a half hour at the most, the bersanding ceremony may take longer, depending on the number of guests and family members who wish to partake in the tepung tawar or blessing custom, anointing the couple's palms with scented water, pandan potpurri and rice. Thursday evening is also considered by both Malays and Indians as an auspicious day to hold a wedding.

The Indian wedding ceremony is perhaps the most elaborate. Strict customs require that the bride and groom keep to a strictly vegetarian diet several days before the wedding, in respect to the Hindu religion. Auspicious days for weddings are during the period of the waxing moon, particularly during the Ponggal or harvest festival.

A day or two before the wedding, mehndi or henna is applied onto the bride's hands and feet to ward off evil. In the morning of the wedding, the bride and groom partake in their respective ablution rituals. The bride then dons her wedding sari and jewellery, gifts from her future husband given on the day of their engagement, and makes her way to the temple. Bright hues of yellow, red, orange, peacock blue and green are favoured as they are believed to bring good luck and blessing, while white and black, considered mourning colours, are avoided.

Steeped in ancient Vedic customs, a traditional Hindu wedding involves extensive prayers and ceremonial rituals. The actual wedding ceremony itself comprises some 10 rites. But the central part of the Hindu wedding is the agni parinaya, the circumambulation of fire by the bride and groom, which symbolises divine witness to the marriage.

The following Vedic chant is recited:

With God as our guide,
let us take:
the first step to nourish each other
the second step to grow together
in strength
the third step to preserve
our wealth
the fourth step to share our
joys and sorrows
the fifth step to care for
our children
the sixth step to be together forever
the seventh step to remain
lifelong friends,
the perfect halves to make a
perfect whole.
With seven steps we become friends.
Let me reach your friendship.
Let me not be severed from your friendship.
Let your friendship not be
severed from me.

The agni parinaya is concluded with a prayer that the marriage is indissoluble, and the groom ends the ceremony with the tying of the thali around his bride's neck, an act greeted with loud traditional music and congratulations from the guests.

Traditional Chinese weddings encompass three letters (the betrothal letter, gift letter and wedding letter), and six etiquettes (the proposal, divination of birth dates, confirmation, presentation of gifts, choosing of the wedding date, and acceptance of marriage). The matchmaker plays a pivotal role, acting as the main go-between for the two families.

Red, a colour symbolising prosperity to the Chinese, fills the house of the bride, from the bridal sedan, to the bedroom, to the bride's apparels. The central act in a Chinese wedding, aside from paying homage at the altar, is the tea ceremony, which places the parents as the focus of respect, to whom the newlyweds give thanks and receive blessings.

Before the groom arrives, the bride offers tea to her parents in way of thanks for having raised her. The groom then arrives, and with the help of his best man, he pleads, pays, haggles, and sweet-talks his way into the bride's house with much merriment and teasing from relatives and friends - a light-hearted moment shared in a traditional Malay wedding as well.

Then comes the marriage solemnisation, a relatively simple affair with the bride and groom paying homage to Heaven and Earth, the Kitchen God and family ancestors, asking for blessings. Unlike the Malay or Hindu wedding, a traditional Chinese wedding does not normally involve a priest.

This is followed by a tea ceremony between the newlyweds and the groom's parents, which completes the wedding.

There are other parallels between the Malay, Indian and Chinese weddings. Both the Indian and Malay wedding guests receive a token gift. While Malay couples traditionally give away the bunga telur (a beautifully wrapped boiled egg) which symbolises a fertile union, guests at Indian weddings receive traditional Indian sweetmeats, reflecting the sweetness of the occasion. While the arrival of the Malay groom is accompanied by kompang beats, the arrival of the Chinese groom is greeted by firecrackers.

Though traditional marriage ceremonies across the three ethnic groups still exist, the younger generation is opting for simpler weddings with minimum fuss. The traditional designs of Mehndi are slowly being edged aside by the more eye-catching body-art designs. The Malay weddings of late are moderate affairs without the bersanding ceremony, while the traditional bunga telur is replaced with chocolates, sweets and potpourri. The divination of the birth dates for the bride and groom - important to the Chinese and the Indians - is a process that is slowly being swallowed by time.